Image for post
Image for post

Comic Book Haiku

A Breaking Down of The Doomsday Clock

Wednesday December 18 marked the longtime coming release of issue #12 of Doomsday Clock, the limited series incorporating characters from Alan Moore’s Watchmen graphic novel with the purpose of expanding that world while at the same discrediting its legacy through Geoff Johns and Gary Frank’s fan fiction. In case you missed issues (or avoided it figuring it was going to be retconned by the time the whole story was finished) here are a series of Comic Haiku haphazardly summarizing each issue.

Prologue — DC Universe: Rebirth

Pandora dies calling off panel Doctor Manhattan a monster.
Pandora dies calling off panel Doctor Manhattan a monster.

Poor, poor Pandora

For the New 52’s sins

you got Manhattaned!

Batman holding the button from Alan Moore’s Watchmen.
Batman holding the button from Alan Moore’s Watchmen.

The secret revealed:

all of DC’s bad ideas

are Alan Moore’s fault.

______________________

Spoiler: This reboot

is all in service to make

another reboot!

______________________

And now, the main event…

Doomsday Clock #1

Third panel of Doomsday Clock #1, New Rorschach’s journal. “Deplorable” referrence. MAGA referrence. It’s 1992.
Third panel of Doomsday Clock #1, New Rorschach’s journal. “Deplorable” referrence. MAGA referrence. It’s 1992.

You want more Watchmen?

Here’s Ozymandias with

three new guys. Happy?

______________________

New Rorschach’s journal:

Made “deplorable” reference.

I feel more timely.

Flashback of Dr. Manhattan: “I’m leaving for a less complicated universe.” Ozymandias: “Ok. Let’s go there.”
Flashback of Dr. Manhattan: “I’m leaving for a less complicated universe.” Ozymandias: “Ok. Let’s go there.”

Doctor Manhattan

went to DC Universe.

That’s real convenient.

______________________

For Doc, someplace less

complicated means only

five or six reboots.

Joker promo for Doomsday Clock.
Joker promo for Doomsday Clock.

Question: Why did Johns

create two Joker knockoffs

and then use Joker?

______________________

There are text pieces

because Watchmen had ’em too.

They’re SUPER-fluous!

Doomsday Clock #2

Pastiche of panels of Doctor Manhattan staring at Marionette’s breasts. Supposed to be her womb, I know, but still!
Pastiche of panels of Doctor Manhattan staring at Marionette’s breasts. Supposed to be her womb, I know, but still!

Doctor Manhattan

spares life of Joker knockoffs…

’cause he’s a breast man?

______________________

Ozy makes it to

DC Universe, then does

everything else wrong.

______________________

Doomsday Clock’s first rule:

No Moore creation can be

smarter than DC’s.

Batman: You ate my Pancakes. Rorscharch: Yeah. I did.
Batman: You ate my Pancakes. Rorscharch: Yeah. I did.

What we’ve waited for!

Batman versus Rorschach! And

Rorschach wins…pancakes.

______________________

Wizard Magazine

would‘ve loved it, but it’s dead

and so are comics.

Doomsday Clock #3

Comedian  is plucked form time and space by Doctor Manhattan…somehow?
Comedian  is plucked form time and space by Doctor Manhattan…somehow?

Comedian back

to life! Because Watchmen cast

was already thin.

______________________

Rorschach in Arkham

without due process. Because

Batman must Batman.

Image for post
Image for post

For those keeping score

issue #3 has Johns‘ first

severed limb scene. (phew!)

Doomsday Clock #4

Reggie reads Walter Kocacs’ journal.
Reggie reads Walter Kocacs’ journal.

Rorschach is now son

of Rorschach’s psychiatrist

because…world building?

______________________

Son looks at Kovacs’

journal, says, Yes, Father. I

shall become a blot.

Doomsday Clock #5

Image for post
Image for post

It’s all them Russians!

Them Russians and the Ukraine!

Because topical!

______________________

Poor Geoff and Gary

can’t make DC Universe

scarier than ours.

Firestorm says “Bullshit” and “Asshole.”
Firestorm says “Bullshit” and “Asshole.”

It’s twenty-eighteen.

Firestorm’s saying bullshit.

And also asshole.

Firestorm says “Bullshit” and “Asshole.”
Firestorm says “Bullshit” and “Asshole.”

It’s twenty-nineteen.

Firestorm is still saying

bullshit and asshole.

______________________

It’s twenty-twenty.

Superheroes still swearing

for no good reason.

Doomsday Clock #6

The Marionette’s future costume was designed for a marionette made by her father. Fun fact?
The Marionette’s future costume was designed for a marionette made by her father. Fun fact?

Two worlds colliding

and Johns gives issue over

to own creations.

______________________

Harley is absent

so new characters don’t feel

much more redundant.

Typhoon gets his head blown off. Because guns always win in comics written in modern day America.
Typhoon gets his head blown off. Because guns always win in comics written in modern day America.

When superheroes

come from America, guns

always beat powers.

______________________

The comedian

versus the Joker! (fight cut

for the backstories).

Doomsday Clock #7

Ozymandias summons Doctor Manhattan. Instantly shows creepy Gary Frank drawn face.
Ozymandias summons Doctor Manhattan. Instantly shows creepy Gary Frank drawn face.

Doctor Manhattan!

All it took was special cat

and Ozy’s porn face.

Dr. Manhattan asks the question “Does Superman destroy me, or do I destroy everything?” over and over and over…
Dr. Manhattan asks the question “Does Superman destroy me, or do I destroy everything?” over and over and over…

Doctor Manhattan.

Superman. Which IP did

Snyder ruin more?

______________________

Feel the non-suspense!

Biggest one-sided battle

in five more issues.

Doomsday Clock #8

Putin assembles superhero teams. Subtle.
Putin assembles superhero teams. Subtle.

Russia! More Russia!

Johns thanks the world for

staying same, but worse.

Superman throws a Russian tank that was firing into a crowd. Now he’s hated! Yay?
Superman throws a Russian tank that was firing into a crowd. Now he’s hated! Yay?

They hate Superman.

They all hate Superman now

because Watchmen-like.

______________________

Read the text pieces

They all hate superheroes

because text pieces.

Doomsday Clock #9

Donald Trump being told to bring in Superman. “Huge” reference. “Huge!”
Donald Trump being told to bring in Superman. “Huge” reference. “Huge!”

Proof: A world with Trump

is far, far worse than a world

without Superman.

Tachyons bug Doctor Manhattan a lot.
Tachyons bug Doctor Manhattan a lot.

Despite tachyons,

Manhattan knows how this ends

and so do readers.

______________________

We get it now, Johns

Doctor Manhattan’s a God.

Now…back to the plot?

Doomsday Clock #10

Dr. Manhattan: “I don’t understand this universe”
Dr. Manhattan: “I don’t understand this universe”

Doc says he doesn’t

understand the DCU,

just like my girlfriend.

______________________

How many pages

does Johns need to hammer in

it’s Alan Moore’s fault.

Dr. Manhattan ponders how the DC Universe is all connected to Superman.
Dr. Manhattan ponders how the DC Universe is all connected to Superman.

Of course Superman

is center of universe.

Johns is writing him.

______________________

If Doc Manhattan

is stand-in for Moore, then is

Vedit…Paul Levitiz?

______________________

If Manhattan’s Moore

and Vedit’s Levitz, then Hope

is Dan Didio?

New 52 Superman Leaves Earth.
New 52 Superman Leaves Earth.

Twenty-plus pages

for Johns to shift all blame for

the New 52.

Dr. Manhattan: “I have become the villain.”
Dr. Manhattan: “I have become the villain.”

We all get the point

Manhattan is the villain.

You still spell it out!

Socrates quote from Doomsday Clock. Because Watchmen.
Socrates quote from Doomsday Clock. Because Watchmen.

This better end soon.

DC’s book of Bartlett’s quotes

is almost used up.

Doomsday Clock #11

Wonder Woman does something. For the first time.
Wonder Woman does something. For the first time.

Eleven issues!

Wonder Woman finally

has something to do!

______________________

Rorschach is found by

possible zombie Alfred

to get to the end.

Saturn Girl wiped out mid story. See link for details.
Saturn Girl wiped out mid story. See link for details.

DC Universe

retcons so much faster than

this book is published!

New Bubastis the mutant lynx helps Vedit carry out all plans with Manhattan like powers.
New Bubastis the mutant lynx helps Vedit carry out all plans with Manhattan like powers.

Oh, surprise! Ozy

was behind it all, through the

power of just ‘cause!

Doomsday Clock #12

Reggie ponders his overly positive father.
Reggie ponders his overly positive father.

Psychiatrist Dad

becomes new moral center

of this damn series?!?

Superman convincing Doctor Manhattan it’s doesn’t have to be destroy or be destroyed.
Superman convincing Doctor Manhattan it’s doesn’t have to be destroy or be destroyed.

Kingdom Come gets aped.

Think of Doctor Manhattan

as Billy Batson.

Alex Ross: “When Marvelman kills that young boy to save the world…Superman is the greater hero…He’ll find a different way.”
Alex Ross: “When Marvelman kills that young boy to save the world…Superman is the greater hero…He’ll find a different way.”
From Ross’ Comic Book Artist Interview.
Dr. Manhattan changes history to bring back all the heroes from before. That oughta work!
Dr. Manhattan changes history to bring back all the heroes from before. That oughta work!

DC heroes cause

political firestorms.

Solution? Make more!

Word baloon talking about Wonder Woman helping to form new superteam. The only other thing she’s done, and it’s off panel!
Word baloon talking about Wonder Woman helping to form new superteam. The only other thing she’s done, and it’s off panel!

Word balloon above

is half Wonder Woman’s role

in entire book.

Dr. Manhattan: “Hope is the North Star of the metaverse.” Group shot of heroes running and/or flying.
Dr. Manhattan: “Hope is the North Star of the metaverse.” Group shot of heroes running and/or flying.

It’s all fine now, ‘cause

superheroes are awesome!

Aren’t they just awesome?

Written by

Poet for Hire. Link to buy my new book, The Collapsed Bookshelf, available via my website: www.chadparenteaupoetforhire.com

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store